I am amazed at how increasingly hard it is to sleep without Karli around. I lay in bed and roll around and think. I wish I could sleep.  I have trouble sleeping alone nowadays.  When she's here it's just so easy.

I have gotten nothing done. I'm so behind. I need to stop whining and do it but.

It's gotten to the point where I am so far gone that I'm hoping I'll wake up in the morning and start vomiting, or be terribly ill, or somehow end up in the hospital. I wouldn't say I'm ~*suicidal*~ or in danger of hurting myself but. I think about things like that. All the time. Just wanting horrible things to happen that could somehow hinder me from facing the real world and somehow give me a better excuse than "lol I r depressed" to be so far behind. It's like when I went to bed after Felicia died and genuinely thought it would be nice if I never woke up.

Let's just say I'm at the point where that talk therapy session is starting to sound really good. If she's even going to talk to me about the problems that I REALLY NEED HELP WITH. She said this would be another intro session and it won't be like the others.

God fucking damn it, I need help now I can't wait for all these fucking formalities.

I'm just so upset over nothing that I could start crying right now and I wouldn't know why. I just. I need help. I need to talk to my teachers and I need to tell them that I need help. And I need to help myself because right now I'm not doing that so well.

I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.